I am amazed by the Shadow person in Jung’s philosophy. Hopefully, without oversimplification, I can explain this in a few sentences.
The shadow person manifests in our lives in those routine behavioral patterns that we perceive as negative. Think about behavioral patterns such as a need for validation/permission, secret addictions, temper, low self-confidence, running back into chaos, people pleasing, and the like. Most often, the behavioral patterns are chronic and unnoticed. We slip into them frequently and without effort. One can say we “turn into a different person.” We are ashamed, minimize, and often try to ignore or explain away these behaviors. We often blame situations, or people for our maladaptive patterns. We desperately hide these flaws—hence the term, shadow person.
The theory is that this “shadow person” is a set of behavioral patterns that we learned over time. We learned these patterns in response to life events. These life events could have happened so long ago, even in our childhood, that we don’t even remember them. Nonetheless, these events are so impactful; they have caused a response within us. For example, a young child was often only given attention and validated by his parents when he was submissive and obedient. Over time, the young boy grew up and now eternalized the pattern of submission and obedience to receive validation and attention. As an adult now, he becomes a people pleaser with a secret agenda to win approval and validation through his efforts. How is this wrong? Well, he has secret contracts with people that if he acts in a certain way, then he expects to receive what he craves—validation, praise, acceptance.
The problem with this type of behavior and thinking goes like this:
First, a secret contract is made when he enters a relationship with someone. The contract says, if I “do what I’m supposed to do” then, you will give me acceptance and validation. Secondly, his source of validation is met outside of himself, in other people’s approval. Lastly, when he does not get the praise he needs even though he is “doing what he is supposed to do,” he then becomes frustrated. He feels people are treating him unfairly.
What is the takeaway with this information?
- Start paying attention to your shadow person. Ask questions such as what are areas of my life that I am ashamed of? What are some of my hurtful behavioral patterns. What are my cycles or behaviors?
- Take the time to be honest with yourself, brutally honest. What do I want when I do these things? When did I start doing these things? Is there a life event that has caused heavy emotions such as fear, anger, and loneliness? And how have I handled these things.
I would like to explore more concepts in relation to this shadow person in the next coming blogs. I hope you have found this helpful.
Sowers Pouch 